Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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