Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
