On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
