His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
