His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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