His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
