My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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