thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
