dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
