There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
