If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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