OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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