nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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