This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
