elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
