My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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