i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
