my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
