Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
