If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
