It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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