If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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