he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
