P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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