Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
