Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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