wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
