so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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