I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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