I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
