You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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