Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
