oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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