You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
