now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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