Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
