oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
