I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
