I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
