I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
