Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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