Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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