Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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