Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
