I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're too hungover to prance.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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