mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
