I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
