dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
