my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
