I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
