someone threw a dead crab at me
This house was built for laser tag.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
