I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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