i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
