I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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