Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
