another moral hangover. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
