I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
