I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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