I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
