so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
