Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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