You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
