Slut skills are useful in every country.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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