i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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