hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
