I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
