I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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