I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
