I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
