I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
