i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
