i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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