I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
