That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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