Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I want her autograph on my taint
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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