hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize