He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
