dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
