I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
