so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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