I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
