I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize