I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
