the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
