white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
